Crystal Castles - Academy, Manchester, 12/5/2008

  by Aaron Brown

published: 24 / 5 / 2008

intro

At a show sponsored by clothing chain store Top Man, Aaron Brown watches much hyped 80's influenced duo Crystal Castles play a tuneless, awful set

Top Man sponsoring a new music tour makes me wonder. Mixing music with fashion is an ironic mix because music fads like fashion can quickly change from this seasons’ ‘must have’ item to the bottom of the bargain basket in a high street charity shop. The type of item that everyone finds in their wardrobe that makes you think what ever possessed me to wear that. Crystal Castles are one such musical fad that reminds me of such fashion mistakes. Because like wearing fluorescent shoe laces with Doc Martins you’ll soon become a laughing stock at admitting you once had the balls to think they were the business. Crystal Castles live sound like a mix between a gormless idiot from the 1980's trying out his Casio keyboard/synthesiser for the first and only time before realising they cannot play. They don’t as much as play live as excrete aural nausea and I cannot take it anymore. As I am watching I am waiting for a camera crew and Justin Lee Collins to jump out and tell the crowd they’ve been screwed over for TV. Crystal Castles are dreadful and the musical equivalent of the emperor's new clothes. While I admit their self-titled debut does have some quality to it. CC (yes they are that grim they deserve an abbreviation) may be just having a bad night or maybe I am getting to old for this retro/modern music. Only highlights of the night are the Orb-esque Crime Wave and the fact I got to go home after the gig was done. If this is the future of music, I want to go deaf, start reading the right-wing tabloids like 'The Daily Mail' so they can make my informed choices for me.

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