Miscellaneous - Talk Show

  by Spencer Robertshaw

published: 20 / 3 / 2011

intro

In his regular 'Evidently Spencertown' poetry column, Spencer Robertshaw looks at the world of the TV talk show host

His uncle's his sister, now he’s grown whiskers Born in the wrong body and always felt shoddy Getting ready for the change He’s always felt strange Who’s the man that helps? – the man that can Talk show host, he has a plan Just take the DNA – no way I slept with his dad when they put him away You get lonely when they go to prison 'EastEnders' and 'Emmerdale' on television CBS news on Sky for revision Talk show host, he is the man He’s the man that’s not pushing the pram But really wants to help however he can A stand up guy who just wants to know why Pass me the tissues Sweetheart don’t cry So sensitive to our hopes and fears His wisdom far beyond his years Shouts and he screams but he knows he must By the way, have you seen his perfect wife’s bust? So has someone buggered your auntie’s cat? Is your boyfriend a dirty little love rat? He’ll get to the truth and that is that Talk show host, he don’t take crap Secret Service and CIA can’t get his results He gets the truth with cloven hoof And a few well planned insults But no waterboarding on this show Just the manic man with his Perma glow Lie detector and DNA, he pays the fee My friends, the truth will set you free Alcohol, drugs and sexual perversions Theft, violence and gender diversions He’s the one that would never cast dispersions Honest John – err...The talk show host The aftercare is a big thing They’ll contact the doctor you never dare ring Or have a nice chat about your sadness Then tell you that’s what started your badness So half an hour in a comfortable chair Explains why your sister wants facial hair Now you know why you’re a canine rammer Or when you talk why it’s always a stammer It’s years of counselling done in a jiffy Don’t I understand? Or is this just iffy The show mesmerises When he starts to shout Fifteen minutes Then it’s over My friends - Get out