Miscellaneous - Marriage Vows

  by Spencer Robertshaw

published: 27 / 10 / 2011

Article

You insult hypocrites and bring slander to the door You argue with yourself for the last word and some more It took six operations just to make you smile Even rabid dogs run a fucking mile I can't stop puking when you're in the room Sunny days are shit, the outlook is pure gloom Blood doesn’t run in your veins It's shite and it crawls The substance doesn’t have a name But it strips paint from walls Suicide bombers line up to blow away their thoughts Of you and all about you, it all adds up to nought Praise be to Allah they have a way out To get shut of your memory, hairy chin and snout I try to be polite and dig deep for a compliment But all I can come up with is your nose is not that bent Fell out of the ugly tree and hit each branch on the way down Entered the ugly bug ball and got to wear the crown Maybe if your personality was kind,warm and sweet It would help to stop everyone thinking your breath is as bad as your feet You tried to be nice once and the tremors broke a rib But wrote a poison pen letter instead with your finger as the nib Earth quakes, oil spills and all natural disasters Make you shake out of will with blood curdling laughter There must be one good quality that could save your grace But the only thing I can think is they use your breath as mace The world's leading scientists tried to make you happy Now they're all on Valium and the outlook's damp and crappy There must be a cure to help you on your journey But trying to say something nice just looked like gurning I don’t know where you came from, perhaps an alien land Every time you sit down makes people want to stand I hope one day they’ll cure you but the chance is slim And like a wet Monday morning, the outlook is grim. I’ll have to sign off now, but I'll be thinking of you I’m off to have a boil lanced and some verucas frozen too If we don’t meet again remember this last thought I’d still love to shag you, as long as I don’t get caught